No one gets it. Well none of my friends do at least. The excitement of the whole new experience is overwhelming I credit that, it’s just another whole new world. Getting used to it and also dealing with the harsh comments ‘Oh how lucky and wealthy you are to be able to rent an apartment on your own.’ Behind that, hey you the one who commented, yes you. Do you fucking know that it’s hard? I am lucky and I swear by that but I am so not wealthy. I’m paying every bit of that by adulting.
Every second you may be staring at my Instagram page and talking shit about how I get what I want and other jealousy words, I’m working. I’m working on my assignment to pay for my future self; I’m working on my online shop, to help supply bits of my normal life fees; I’m typing and reading, reading and typing trying, hard, to accomplish my dream to get published or just to improve myself to live the life I want; I’m working my ass off trying to get things straight of how to pay this bill, how to contact the energy company or how the fuck two cigarettes appeared on my patio when I don’t even smoke and it’s on the 29th floor. Yeah, so there’s that.
It’s really nice to be able to be independent to know that I can actually achieve something on my own. The freedom is really nice and you don’t need to explain any decisions to anyone. Everything on the surface is nice, it’s wonderful, but what hurts and stings are the things underneath. A long time ago I told myself never to judge someone, they may have their own stories to tell, they may be having a hard time. It’s also true that they might be struggling or hurting while you are mouthing bullets in their direction.
I had a time before moving back to Australia that I was severely anxious and depressed. I wouldn’t go out for days and would just cut off social media and stopped talking to people. I was defeated for a few weeks, was debating whether I should give up on coming back to Australia and living the life I wanted, but I was glad I stepped on the plane so I would be able to sit on my comfy floor pillow in my new place typing my feelings into this piece right now.
Seems like I have so much negativity in me but I swear that’s only this, only when I get to express my feelings and not shove them deep somewhere and never bother to dig them up to feel them. So if you’re hesitating on anything you want but afraid of failure or any other obstacles that is in your way of achieving that, then I would say ‘Fuck Them, and just go for it’. Yes, there would be pain; Yes, you would live through a few times of agony but you will survive, and I’m proud to say that adulting sucks but it really is something I have learnt to enjoy after I have fulfilled it and know how to stay alive if there is only myself to rely on in the future.
Jasmine is a writer studying Creative Writing at RMIT.